Today I came across this video.

Is he right? I mean, of course (to a certain extent); complaining/”crying” about one’s problems won’t directly solve them, and it can put the burden of responsibility on others.

My problem with it is that it’s really fucking mean and unhelpful to those that need the most help.

I really believe reaching out to others for help (in the appropriate contexts) should be seen as a sign of humility and strength, not one of weakness, or the trait of a “loser” as he puts it. Of course this needs to be tempered with the wisdom to know the right people and time to reach out, but insulting people is laziest and most irredeemable style of motivational speech.

Apparently this style of motivation works for some people. Good for them. But having recently had glimpses of depression-like symptoms, I can easily see how much this kind of speech is just going to push people down rather than build them up. And what exactly is the point of that? To make you feel bigger and better and more successful? And what about down the road, when people who heard this advice come across genuine difficulty and need the help of others, only to remember this and decide that crying is for losers, pushing them further into despair or looking for solutions in the wrong places? Sometimes folks need to just sit and think things through, to process things, to bounce ideas off of others. To say that it’s for losers is, quite frankly, complete and utter bullshit.

Or what about when there is literally nothing that can be done to change something on one’s own, and you need the support of others? I don’t feel like I should have to mention the Black Lives Matter movement and the amount of shit that has been thrown on them by white moderates, but the thickness of this speaker’s skull has convinced me to do so anyways. And that is just one example of injustice in the world where “complaining” is the only way to spread the word and begin the long and arduous process of fixing things.

So if you actually want to help others and stop any potential self-sabotaging behavior, consider what is actually going to be helpful to them and stop trying to make yourself feel big. By pushing any one person down, you push the whole world down. You push down all the potential contributions, innovations, and other positive forces that person could bring into the world. You are actively making the world a worse place.

I don’t want to dig in too much on this one guy, because he’s far from the only one doing this. Apparently he’s pretty successful. But there’s a difference between a good life and a successful life, and I want no part in pursuing the latter at the expense of the former.